When a man needs a father
by gothina234
Summary: After Reid's pain becomes too much for him to bear, he tries to end the pain and leave his family in the worst way possible. Saved by Rossi, a man who refuses to lose Reid, a long journey begins with Rossi helping Reid to recover but, will he be able to pull him from the edge of despair or will he lose the man he sees as a son. Warnings inside. Sequel to Valentine's day on shot.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey everyone, here is a new story for you all. Please read the one shot I did called Valentine's day as this is the sequel to it. I've had plans for a while to do this and I decided to start it now that I've finished another story. Enjoy and I look forward to hearing what you all think.  
**

 **WARNING:- This story features attempted suicide, talks of suicide, talk of drug abuse and dark themes. If I choose to do other things later in the story, I'll give you warnings about that too. I sometimes change the direction of my stories but I'll let you know about the content if I do.**

 **Set during season 9**

 **Enjoy and please review**

 **All mistakes are my own**

Rossi brought Reid into his house and decided it was best to settle him in one of the guest rooms. He worried about the young man deeply and had for a very long time. Over the years, he had grown close to Reid and had come to see him as a son. Opening the door, he helped Reid in and sat him down on the bed. Reid clutched the book Maeve had given to him tightly but still remained silent. Rossi grabbed a nearby chair and settled himself in front of Reid. "Talking about what you're feeling helps, Reid."

"No, it doesn't. Talking about it makes everything hurt more," Reid said quietly. "Everyone is going to hate me now."

"Why would you think that?" Rossi frowned.

"You're all going to think of me as nothing but an addict. Rossi, the drugs make the pain go away and I can't take much more of this pain. My life has been nothing but pain after pain and each time cuts deeper than the last time."

"No, it hasn't and you know that," Rossi shook his head. "You've had a loving family around you since you started at the BAU."

Reid said something under his breath that Rossi wasn't able to hear. "Reid, what did you say?"

"Nothing," Reid bit his lip before turning his head to stare at the pillow. "I'm tired and I just want to sleep."

Rossi was in no way ready to let go of Reid's problems but knew he had to let him sleep. The dark circles under his eyes were worryingly dark and seemed to be getting darker with each passing day. "We'll talk tomorrow. Let's get you into bed."

Rossi rose up from his chair and pushed the covers away on the bed. Reid slipped off his shoes and laid down on the pillow. It worried Rossi that Reid wasn't protesting at being treated like a child being tucked into bed. He placed the covers back over Reid and noticed that he was holding the book close to his chest. "Reid, just call if you need anything. Try get some sleep."

Rossi decided to turn on the dim lamp next to the bed and turn off the big light. "I'll see you in the morning, kiddo."

* * *

Reid gasped as he shot up from the bed and tried to control his fast paced breathing as he tried to separate himself from the horror of his nightmare. He brought his knees up and leaned his head against them as a sob escaped through his lips. In his nightmare, Maeve had been screaming at him with blood pouring out of the hole through her head. She had screamed that it was his fault she was dead and that he would only get everyone around him killed.

Something inside of him broke as he thought about everything that had happened in his life and how much pain he had caused for people. He thought about Tobias and the fact that he had died without ever seeing his mother again. Reid had looked her up and found her alive and happy with a new husband and family. He had driven Gideon away by not supporting him enough. He should have been able to prevent him leaving. There was so much more and he couldn't bear the pain any more. Even his mother hated him. Her recent phone call had driven him into even deeper hatred of himself after she had screamed that it was his fault that she was in there and that he wasn't her son.

Rising off from the bed, he made his way to the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror and loathed what he saw. Maeve was right to hate him for getting her killed and everyone on the team secretly knew it was all his fault. Opening the cabinet, he found a razor blade and broke away the plastic that surrounded it.

* * *

Rossi let out a small huff of frustration at the fact that he couldn't sleep. He threw away the duvet over him and made his way out of the room and down the hall to Reid's room. He opened the door and frowned when he didn't see the young man in bed. A small sliver of light came from under the bathroom door.

"Reid, are you okay?" he called but received no answer.

Rushing to the bathroom door, he attempted to open it but found it locked. "Reid, answer me and open this door!"

Rossi stepped back and quickly hit himself against the door. It took two attempts before the lock broke and when he stumbled in, his eyes widened at the horrific scene in front of him. Laying in the bathtub, his wrist covered in blood, was Reid.

"No, no, no," Rossi repeated in panic as he quickly grabbed Reid and dragged him from the bathtub. "Oh, kiddo. Why? Why would you do this?!"

Ripping off two towels from the rack, he rushed to tie them around Reid's bleeding wrists and could already see the dangerous amount of blood that he had lost. Summoning strength he never knew he had, he brought Reid into his arms and struggled to get him down the stairs and into the car. Grabbing his keys as he rushed back in, he knew he had to rush to the hospital before it was too late. He knew an ambulance wouldn't arrive in time.

* * *

Rossi picked up the hospital phone that the nurses had authorised him to use and dialled Hotch's number. The doctors had rushed Reid away from him and he still didn't know anything other than the doctors were doing everything that they could do to save his life. He struggled with the growing pain of failure as it came through him. He had promised to look after Reid and he thought he had managed to talk Reid in a safe direction for the night.

A groggy Hotch answered the phone. "Hello."

"You need to come to the hospital," Rossi said shakily. "Reid was having a bad time earlier this evening. He, um, almost took some drugs but Morgan stopped him after Reid had called him. I think Reid was calling out for help in a way. I came down and talked to him. It's valentine's day and Maeve's death has really affected him. I brought him home and I thought he was in a safe mind set for the night. Hotch, he cut his wrists and tried to kill himself in my bathroom."

"I'll be there right away. Is he- Is he still alive?" Hotch questioned as the rustling of someone rushing to get ready came down the line.

"They took him away about an hour ago and I haven't heard anything from them since. I know I should have called sooner but I-I'm in a little shock here."

"I'll call the others," Hotch said. "They deserve to know and he's going to need all the help he can get."

* * *

Hotch walked into the ER and immediately saw Rossi in the waiting area. "Any news?"

"No," Rossi shook his head. "Hotch, there was so much blood already and I got him here as fast as I could. I don't know if I was too late."

Hotch took in the blood stains on Rossi's shirt and trousers and the fact he was only wearing socks. "Rossi, this wasn't your fault."

"I should have stayed with him through the night," Rossi shook his head before he looked up at the sound of Morgan rushing towards them.

"Is he okay?" Morgan demanded. "Is he even alive?"

"The doctors are still working on him," Rossi informed him.

"What the hell happened?" Morgan snapped at Rossi. "You said you would take care of him!"

"Morgan, that is enough," Hotch shouted. "This is no-one's fault. Rossi thought that Reid was in a safe enough mind set for the night. He had no idea that Reid would do this."

"He said he was just going to get some sleep," Rossi said numbly.

"Let's all have a seat," Hotch said as he tried to remain calm, even though inside he was searching and wondering if he should have noticed something troubling with Reid's behaviour. "We need to remain calm and wait for the doctor to come out. Rossi, you're in shock too. You need to sit down."

* * *

 **Four hours later**

Rossi looked around at the rest of the group to see at least one of them holding someone else's hand. He couldn't though. He just wanted to hold Reid's hand and tell him that everything was going to be okay. The young man whom he had come to see as a son had tried to take his life and Rossi struggled with thought of losing him. A young doctor walked into the waiting room. "Spencer Reid's family."

"Here," Rossi said immediately as he stood up. "Is he okay?"

"It was a close call and we had to restart his heart but he's going to be okay. He lost a dangerous amount of blood and you got him to us in the nick of time. The wounds were deep but it seems his hand was shaking when made the first cut and that saved his life. He only nicked the artery in his arm which meant he didn't bleed out as fast as he could have. He didn't cut deep enough on his other arm but he still cut deep enough for it to be life threatening. He's being given transfusions till his levels come back up but he will be incredibly weak for a while. We're going to have to place him under suicide watch and into psychiatric care when he's able."

"You can't do that," Rossi said as he stepped forward. "It will do more harm than good. I'll take care of him upon his release."

"You're willing to have him signed out under your care," the doctor confirmed.

"I am," Rossi answered immediately. "When can we see him?"

"You can all see him briefly now but then you'll have to leave. I can authorise one of you to stay with him at a time. I think it would be better for him if family were close by. Come with me."

* * *

They all followed the doctor to Reid's room and braced themselves for what they were going to see. Rossi was the first to step into the room. He walked over to the bed to find Reid's wrist and lower arms covered in bandages. IV's were connected to him along with a tube transfusing blood into his body. Garcia walked to the other side of the bed and leaned down to kiss Reid's forehead. "Oh, why would you want to leave us, baby boy?"

"I'm sorry," Morgan shook his head quickly. "I can't."

Morgan rushed out of the room before any of them could say anything. Blake took one look at Reid and let out a shaky breath. "I'll go and make sure he's okay."

"I don't understand why he would want to leave us. He's got Henry and Henry loves his godfather," JJ cried gently before hitting the bed. "WHY DID YOU DO IT?!"

Hotch quickly put his arm around JJ and led her out of the room as she leaned against him and let out deep sob.

"He's too young to die," Garcia sniffed as tears streamed down her cheeks. "He's so pale and I don't understand why he did this to himself. I mean, we love him and we always will. I know times have been hard but he knew that we were here for him."

Garcia rushed to Rossi's side and wrapped her arms around him. "I'm sorry you had to see him like that."

Rossi wrapped his arms around her and leaned his chin on her shoulder as he felt everything catch up with him. He would never forget seeing Reid surrounded by so much blood or forget the fear that had ruled over him as he rushed Reid to the hospital. "I thought I had lost him."

"We didn't," Garcia whispered as she came away from hug. "He's just a little lost. We're going to help him find his way again.

 **Please review**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey, here is the next chapter for you all. I hope you all had a good Christmas and a happy new year. I plan on getting back to regular updates soon but they might be scattered for at least the next month. Enjoy and let me know what you think of the chapter.**

 **Warnings - Talk of suicide and emotions dealing with thoughts of suicide.**

 **Thanks for all the great reviews and support. You're all wonderful. Thanks!**

 **Enjoy and please review**

 **All mistakes are my own**

Rossi remained by Reid's side through the night. Every time he closed his eyes, the vivid memory of Reid surrounded by blood came to the front of his mind and caused another stab of pain to come to his heart. Garcia had stayed with him but they had remained silent. The rest of the team was in the waiting room. They struggled seeing Reid in such a vulnerable state and couldn't stay in the room for more than a few minutes at a time. The morning sun seeped through the window to fill the room with light. Garcia rose from her chair as the sun signified morning. "I'm going to go and check on the others. I'll be back in a few minutes. Do you need anything?" she asked gently.

"A coffee would be great," Rossi said even though he didn't truly want a coffee. He had seen the silent tears travelling down her cheeks through the night even in the dimly lit room. He knew that she would feel better if she had something to do for the team. She just needed a simple moment to focus on something other than her friend who had tried to take his own life.

"Okay," Garcia nodded before leaning over Reid and kissing his forehead. "See you soon, baby boy."

Garcia walked out of the room slowly leaving Rossi alone with Reid.

"Why did you do it?" Rossi spoke to Reid's soft breathing form. "I was right down the hall. You've never been alone and I hate that you tried to leave us. We're your family and all you had to do was talk to one of us. There was so much blood and you were all alone."

Rossi rubbed his hands over his face before reaching out and carefully cradling Reid's hand. "You've got so much to live for. You're too young to die and you're breaking an old man's heart here."

"He's breaking all our hearts," JJ said as she walked into the room. "I needed to come and see him. I can barely look at him without getting both sad and angry."

"We can't let that anger out, JJ," Rossi sighed. "He needs us all to be there for him."

"We've always been there for him," she shook her head as she walked to the side of the bed. Reaching out, the tips of her fingers touched the bandage around his wrist before falling away.

"Reid never likes to admit that something is wrong but he called Morgan yesterday knowing, deep down, that it was a cry for help. He needed someone to save him from himself. I spoke to him when I came to pick him up and he was in pain. Valentine's day brought a lot of bad memories back for him and brought back the pain of losing Maeve. He was quiet but seemed okay when I put him to bed. I never thought that he would do this. I need to know what pushed him over the edge."

"We'll know soon enough," JJ said as she walked over and softly squeezed Rossi's shoulder. "When he wakes up, we'll get answers and then he'll have all the help in the world from us. I need to know why he would want to leave us like this. He almost left Henry and I need to know how he could do that."

"Grief, loss and pain make us do things we never thought we would do," Rossi spoke before moving his thumb over the back of Reid's hand.

* * *

 **Six hours later**

Rossi fought the sleepy haze that kept trying to claim him. Every time that his eyes almost closed, he whipped them open and stared at Reid with the hope he would wake up soon. Just as he was about to admit defeat to the haze, a small groan from Reid brought forth new energy that made him sit up straight and hold Reid's hand.

"Spencer Reid, wake up," Rossi urged as he watched Reid's eyes flutter before opening sluggishly. "There we go. Hey, it's okay. You're in the hospital."

Reid's eyes focused on Rossi before he clenched them shut and weakly shook his head. "No," Reid's bottom lip quivered as he began to get upset. "I'm not supposed to be here."

Rising and sitting on the edge of the bed, Rossi leaned close and placed his free hand on Reid's cheek. "Open your eyes, Reid," Rossi ordered gently. Reid kept his eyes closed and tried to turn his head weakly but Rossi stopped him.

"Spencer, look at me!" Rossi said in a loud and firm voice. Reid opened his eyes and look into Rossi's eyes. "Reid, why did you do it?"

"I j-just wanted the pain to stop," Reid sobbed as broke down. "Everyone leaves because o-of me and wherever I go, pain and death follow. I got Maeve killed and everyone knows it. Everyone hates me and everyone knows I'm going to get them killed. I just wanted it all to be over. Why am I still here?"

"You're still here because the team and I were not about to lose you," Rossi soothed. "I found you in the bathtub and rushed you to the hospital. We almost lost you."

"Why didn't you just let me go?" Reid spoke in a quivering voice.

"You have so much to live for and you are not hated. You are loved. You're loved by this family and we can help you with the pain. You've never been alone. What happened to Maeve is not your fault."

Reid shook his head gently as he continued to cry. Rossi knew he wasn't going to be awake for much longer. Sleep and rest clawed at Reid and Rossi urged them to claim victory soon. "Reid, you're crazy if you think I'm going to let you die."

Reid's eyes closed before he could say anything back. Carefully, he laid Reid back down to the bed and brought the blankets over him. He pulled a few tissues from the dispenser next to the bed and wiped Reid's cheeks. "You just rest now."

* * *

Reid fought through the haze again and focused on the voices around him. He didn't open his eyes but listened to the team around him. He didn't want to be alive and loathed himself for yet again failing to do something right.

"He's still so pale," Garcia's voice spoke sadly through the shadows.

"Don't worry, baby girl, he'll get some pink to his cheeks soon. We need to make a plan about his care. He can't be left alone and he needs to be watched. Rossi, you can't do that alone. You need to sleep after all."

"We'll figure something out," Hotch said.

"You'll figure nothing out," Reid sighed despondently as he opened his eyes to see them all looking down at him. "I will no longer be a burden. I just want to be left to have peace."

"That peace being suicide," Morgan snapped before stepping closer to the bed.

"Morgan-" JJ said before Morgan held his hand up at her.

"No," Morgan shook his head. "He needs to know what he did."

"I know what I did," Reid growled angrily.

"Really? You tried to kill yourself and you did it in Rossi's bathtub. You sliced into your wrists and you almost died. We are all right here and you know that we would do anything for you. You are selfish. Do you think that Rossi is ever going to forget pulling you out of that tub and watching you slip away as he rushed you here? Do you think we'll ever be able to forget walking in here to see you barely alive?"

"Stop it," Reid shouted before turning away.

"You can't just turn away from this, Reid. Think about Henry. He loves you and you almost left him last night. What the hell were you thinking?"

"I JUST WANTED THE PAIN TO STOP!" Reid screamed at him. "I have lost so much and I can't lose anymore. Maeve is dead because of me and I dream about her every night. She screams at me with blood pouring out of her head. My own mother hates me. She told me herself. I'm just the son of a bitch that put her in hell. You all have lives. I have nothing. I am nothing!"

"You are not nothing," Garcia shook her head as she rushed to the bed and held his head in her hands. "You're Spencer Reid. We love you and care about you so much. We can help the pain stop but suicide is not the way. It's never the way. Why would you want to leave your family? We love you so much and when I got the phone call about what you had done, my heart broke."

"Please, just stop," Reid closed his eyes as tears began to appear at the edges of his eyes. "You're lying. I am nothing. No-one loves me because there is nothing to love. I'm just a stupid ex-addict who fails at everything. I'm a failure as a son and I failed to save Maeve. I've failed to save others too. I couldn't stop Gideon leaving, so many victims that have died because I wasn't fast enough and I couldn't save Tobias. I'm nothing but a disease on the world that causes death."

"The world isn't on your shoulders, Reid," Rossi spoke as he sat on the edge of the bed. Garcia took her hands away from Reid's face but held his hand tightly. "None of it was your fault. You can't think like this. You are a blessing to the world and not a disease. We can help you through all of this. I know you're in pain inside but we can help you ease that pain. Suicide is never the answer."

Rossi couldn't help his eyes tearing up as he spoke to Reid. "You were so pale and there so much blood when I found you. You have all of us. Why you think you had nothing? It's okay to let out the pain but you need to it the right way. The doctor wants to place you in the psych ward after what you did."

"I'm not going in there," Reid shook his head weakly. "If they put me in there, I'll do it again, I swear."

"You're not going into that place," Rossi assured him. "I'm going to take care of you."

Before Reid could say anything, his eyes fluttered for a moment before closing as he fell limp against Rossi's hands. Rossi carefully laid him against the pillow and brought the covers up. "We need to let him rest. He's still frail from the blood loss."

"I never thought he was this lost," JJ shook her head.

"We'll help him find his way," Rossi smiled sadly at her. "We have to if we want to save him."

 **Please review**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter. It's a bit shorter than I wanted but I have a mean cold that keeps fogging up my brain whenever I try to think of a word I want. I decided to post this chapter now and not keep you waiting any longer. Enjoy and I look forward to hearing from you all.**

 **Warning - Talking about suicide and emotions dealing with suicide.**

 **Thank you so much for all the reviews. You're all wonderful and very supportive. Thank you!**

 **Enjoy and please review**

 **All mistakes are my own**

Reid laid on his side in the hospital bed and stared at the grey wall as his mind taunted him with his failures. The team were outside his room speaking with the doctor and he knew his fate was being decided.

 _ **'It should have been decided back in that bathtub** '_ his mind snapped at him causing him to let out an involuntary flinch.

He remembered being in the bathtub as the blood in veins had rushed out from the cuts he had inflicted. The feeling of his breathing slowing and his body becoming lighter replayed in his mind. For so long, he had been haunted with nightmares of Maeve and all the failures that had come before and after her death. He closed his eyes tightly as he remembered her beautiful brown eyes and the horror of seeing them close, never to open again. Opening his eyes again, a rush of anger came over him at the fact that team thought they could dictate his life. Rising weakly from bed, he pulled out an IV and pushed down the rail. As he brought his feet round to hang over the edge of the bed, the door opened and everyone rushed in.

"Reid, you need to lay back down," Rossi said gently as he gripped Reid's shoulders and tried to push him back to the bed. Reid attempted to push Rossi away but found his limbs weak against Rossi's strength.

"No, I want to get out of this place," Reid snapped. "You can't make me stay here."

"Honey, lay back down," Garcia pleaded with him. "You're in no condition to be on your feet."

"You all put me in this condition," Reid shook his head as his chest tightened and his eyes fixed on Rossi. "I never asked you to save me."

"You didn't ask but you needed me to save you, Reid. I will not let you die while there is still a breath inside me. No-one here will let you die as long as we are all still standing. You put yourself in this condition and I'm not going to let you stay like this. You're coming home with me. Your levels are stable and the doctors are willing to discharge you into my guardianship and care."

"I just want to go home, Rossi. I don't need you to look after me."

Rossi grabbed his face and forced the broken man to look into his eyes. "You are coming with me and we're going to go away to my house on the lake where you can take some time to heal. You have so much more to do in this life. Give me, no, give us all a chance to help you. You owe us that."

"What if I refuse to go with you?" Reid asked quietly although he already knew the answer.

"You'll be placed on suicide watch in the psychiatric ward and declared mentally unfit. You can come with your family or stay locked away."

"What's the point in giving this a chance, Rossi? Nothing ever works out in my life. I don't belong here. I belong somewhere where I can't get others killed."

"You belong here where you are loved and needed, you idiot," Rossi shook his head. "You may be a genius but you are an idiot. You don't get people killed. You save people and that's all you've ever done."

Hotch stepped forward and laid his hand on Reid's shoulder. "You helped us find the cure to the chad brown anthrax strain. Remember Michael, the little boy we rescued in Las Vegas all those years ago, he's alive and growing up because you helped us break the case. The LDSK case, you saved everyone in that hospital when you took the shot and you saved me."

Morgan gave him a sad smile and spoke next. "You saved those people in the Benjamin Cyrus compound. Without you on the inside, things could have gone down a much bloodier path and many more could have died."

"Samantha Morton didn't hurt those women she had because you managed to talk her down, give her back her treasured dolls and brought her in without even a raised voice," JJ said as she came to his side. "Remember Henry, your godson, he still needs you and he always will. He loves your magic tricks and you made a promise to get him into Yale or maybe Caltech."

Reid bowed his head in shame as he thought about Henry. JJ stroked some of his hair behind his ears. "We love you, Spence. Please give us a chance."

"I'm not worth it," Reid spoke quietly to JJ. "Henry won't be safe with me alive. No-one is ever safe."

Blake came and clutched his hand. "Henry will be more than safe with you by his side in his life. You are not a danger to anyone but yourself. You need to give us all a chance to help you. Reid, you have a full life that you need to live and a family that will be there with you through it. We can't lose you."

Garcia held his other hand and lifted his chin. "Give us a chance to show you how truly loved and important you are in this world."

Reid bit his lower lip and looked at the bandages around his wrists. "I'll go with you."

"Make us all a promise," Rossi said firmly but lovingly. "You won't try to hurt yourself again. You've given us a chance and you need to let us use that to help you. Promise on all of our souls that you won't try to kill yourself."

Reid looked around at his team and let out a shaky breath. "I promise."

* * *

 **The next day**

Rossi glanced at Reid in the mirror as he slept in the back seat with his head resting against Garcia's chest. She had insisted that she come and help set up Reid's room at the lake house. He let out a small smile when Garcia leaned down and kissed the genius's forehead. He had never met someone with as much motherly love as Garcia. As they came to the house, a small gasp came from behind him and a quick look in the rear view mirror confirmed that it had come from Garcia. "Rossi, it's beautiful."

"It's peaceful," Rossi said as he pulled into the drive and turned off the engine. "I've owned it for about two years. I come here when I need some time to think or I've got a book deadline. I think he'll like it here. When the sun shines just right through the glass windows onto the couch, you feel like the world has wrapped you in a warm bubble and nothing can touch you."

"Sounds like the perfect place for him to heal," Garcia sighed.

Rossi turned his head as Morgan pulled up next to them and noticed the similar look of awe at the lake house on his face. He left the car and opened the backdoor to see Reid still in a deep sleep. Morgan came next to him. "I'll get him into the house," Morgan said as he helped Garcia out of the car. He carefully brought Reid into his arms and began to follow Rossi to the house. Rossi slid the key into the lock and opened it to reveal a homely and soothing setting.

"Bring him to the couch by the windows," Rossi said as he looked at the spot. The sun was shining on it perfectly and it was the perfect place for Reid to wake up. Morgan walked to the couch and waited for Garcia to place down a pillow before he set him down in a comfortable position. Garcia took a seat on the edge of the couch and let out a small content hum.

"Rossi, I see what you mean," she grinned. "It's the perfect spot."

"It's one of the main things that made me buy the house," Rossi smiled. "It's best for him to stay here while he recovers. There are no distractions, plenty of places to relax and hopefully, he'll learn how to enjoy life again after spending some time here."

"I'm going to miss him," Garcia shook her head. "I'm going to visit every second that I have free. Everyone will. You have to promise me that you'll call if you need anything at all and that you'll send me a message to tell me that he's okay."

Rossi placed his hand on her shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze to calm her anxiety. "I promise you that I will send you a daily update by email."

Garcia let her hand rest over Reid's heart. "I wish I could wave a magic wand and make everything better."

"I wish you could too," Morgan sighed.

* * *

 **A few hours later**

Reid couldn't stop the content smile from spreading across his face as he absorbed the comfort and warmth that surrounded him. He opened his eyes to find himself staring out at a large rippling lake through glass that was christened with rays from the sun. Slowly rising from the couch, he sat on the edge, closed his eyes and took a moment to enjoy the peaceful warmth that cradled him.

"It's nice, isn't it?"

Reid opened his eyes to see Rossi standing next to the large glass windows. "Yeah, it kinda is," Reid agreed.

"Reid, this isn't going to be an easy journey but it's one you're not alone in taking. I'm going to be here day and night to care for you and to help you through this. Just remember your promise. You're in a dark place but you don't have to stay there."

"It's where I belong," Reid said despondently as he stroked his hands over the bandages wrapped around his skinny wrists.

"I don't want to hear that kind of talk," Rossi said firmly as he took a seat next to him.

"Rossi, I know that you're all my family and part of the reason I tried what I tried is that I would spare you all having to look after me anymore. I'm a grown man. I shouldn't be a burden and yet here I am. I'm stopping everyone from living their lives. I'm nothing in this world," Reid spoke shakily before burying his face in his hands.

Rossi put his arm around Reid and held him close. "You are everything to a lot of people in this world and you're not a burden. I'm here for you. I'm not going anywhere."

 **Please review**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello, everyone. Long time and no updates and I will deeply apologise for that but I am currently going through a difficult time in my life and it is taking some time to get through it. It's hard to explain but that little spark inside of me that inspires me is a little dimmed right now due to some problems and I am trying to push past them to make that spark a big and brilliant flame again. This chapter is hopefully a big step towards that. Enjoy this chapter and I look forward to hearing from you all. Thank you again for bearing with my spaced out updates.  
**

 **Thank you for all the reviews and for being so patient. You're all amazing. Thank you.**

 **Enjoy and please review**

 **All mistakes are my own**

Rossi held Reid's hand as the fragile man slept in the bed. His fingers occasionally brushed over the bandage wrapped around Reid's wrist and each time he did, the memories of pulling Reid's limp and bloody body from the bathtub kept flashing in front of his eyes. Taking a deep breath, Rossi calmed himself and brushed his thumb over the back of Reid's hand.

"Oh, kiddo," he sighed shakily. "You've got so much more living to do. There is so much left in the world for you to discover and I know that you have a future ahead of you where you are with a wonderful woman and a little one on your hip. I know that Maeve wouldn't have wanted you to have done what you did. She didn't leave this world hating you. She left this world loving you and wanting you to live."

Rossi let go of Reid's hand and tucked it back under the duvet. "Sleep well, Reid. I'll see you in the morning."

* * *

 **The next morning**

Reid woke up to the smell of coffee and various foods being cooked. He pushed away the duvet and slowly pulled himself up. His body protested the movement and every cell in his body ached and rejected the idea that he had even rested. Slowly, he rose up and walked to the window. The sun was glittering across the lake outside and he could hear the sound of nature outside. He pulled the curtain across and leaned against the wall as he felt everything dark inside of him trying to take over again. The dark feelings kept telling him to stay inside and stay away from anyone that he could hurt. He closed his eyes and remembered his promise to everyone. A chance was what he had promised them. A chance was what he would give them.

"Reid," Rossi's voice came from the door. Reid turned around but felt dizzy as he went to take a step forward. Rossi's hand immediately came and supported him. "Reid, you're still a little frail from the hospital. Let's get some food into you and then we can talk about what we're going to do today."

Reid remained quiet as he walked with Rossi to the kitchen and seated himself at the table. Rossi brought him an omelette and a cup of orange juice. "No coffee?" he asked.

"Not till you're a little better," Rossi smiled gently. "Eat up and I want a good amount of that omelette eaten up. I'm taking you out onto the lake today."

"Rossi, I don't think I want to do that," Reid protested as he began to poke at the omelette.

"Well, Spencer, we are going out to the lake and we are going to relax. You can take a few books. Well, more than a few," Rossi chuckled gently. "I'm going to do some fishing and you can join me if you want to. Staying indoors isn't good for you. The world is a beautiful place and you need to be out there to experience it. Now, take a bite out that omelette."

"Are you going to be this bossy all the time?" Reid said before lifting a forkful of omelette to his mouth.

"You bet your ass I am."

* * *

Rossi helped a wobbly Reid down in to the small boat and made sure he was comfortable under the sun cover he had attached to the boat. Reid remained silent as Rossi placed a bag of books Reid had selected to bring with them. Once all his equipment was on the boat, he turned on the engine and made his way out to part of the lake he knew was perfect for fishing. The engine was almost silent as he went slowly. He let out a small smile as he noticed Reid looking at the trees and the other beautiful houses that had been built along the lake. A few minutes later, he turned off the engine as they came near to his favourite fishing spot and let the boat drift for a few moments before setting a small anchor.

"Fishing isn't for everyone but I find it one of the most peaceful things to do when you need to let out the stress," Rossi said as he prepared his fishing rod and bait. Reid already had a book in his lap and was already turning page after page, his eyes quickly scanning and absorbing the words. "What do you think, Reid? Any interests facts about fish."

"A single American person consumes on average over two pounds of canned tuna a year," Reid spoke without hesitation and without looking up from his book.

"Good to know," Rossi nodded before placing the worm on the hook and casting out the line with a perfect flick of his wrist.

"Rossi, why are you all doing this?" Reid sighed as he looked up from his book. "I'm not worth all this trouble."

"Don't start with those thoughts again," Rossi said strongly as he settled the fishing rod in the holder. "You are not trouble. I said that I didn't want to hear you talk about yourself that way. We care about you and we want you to see how much you really mean to us and how much more you have to live for."

"What do I have to live for?" Reid snapped as he threw down the book. "There are plenty of other agents who can do what I can do and they can save people too. My mother is in a mental institution because I was selfish. I wanted to have a career and I hated that she held me back. I should have looked after her and kept her in a place where she felt safe. Ninety percent of me put her in Bennington because I knew it would give her help and safety but the other ten percent inside of me knew I was putting her in there because I wanted a life and she was the one thing stopping me. I ruin everything."

"You make everything better," Rossi argued as he faced Reid. "This family is strong because of you and you make us all so much happier because you have this light inside of you that makes us smile. You sense when something is wrong with one of us but you can't sense it about yourself. That light inside of you is dim right now because you are struggling with so much pain that has clawed its way into your life and that you've kept buried. Maeve's death wasn't your fault and placing your mother into Bennington was the best choice and even she knows that. No mother wants to keep their son from living a full life."

Rossi carefully knelt in front of Reid and held his shaking hand. "You have a family and yourself to live for."

Reid rubbed his eyes as tears began to come to them. "Rossi, it hurts too much inside. Every thought I have is consumed by this pain."

"Come here," Rossi motioned. Reid was in arms seconds later and Rossi wrapped his arms around him. In that moment, Rossi knew he was Reid's anchor to staying alive and that he needed to keep the pain inside of Reid from taking him over completely.

Rossi had seen Reid when the pain had consumed him and he could never go through holding Reid's bloody and limp body a second time. He wouldn't survive his heart breaking in such a way again.

"I'm never going to let you go to that dark place again," he soothed. "We're going to do this together. We're going to beat this."

Rossi brought Reid out of the hug and wiped away the tears. "Come and sit with me. Some sunshine will do you a lot of good."

The fishing rod rattled and the line began to move. "Rossi, you've got a bite."

"Oh," Rossi grunted as he quickly rushed and grabbed the fishing rod. "Reid, come here, I need you to get the net and scoop this rascal up."

Reid grabbed the net and waited for Rossi to bring the fish closer. His bandages were fine as long they didn't get wet and he had a stable if slightly weak grip on the handle of the net. Reid brought the net into the water and managed to scoop the fish into it and put it on the deck on the boat.

"Yes!" Rossi chuckled triumphantly as he looked at the fish. He gently held Reid's shoulder. "We did it, son."

Reid remained silent but let out a small smile as Rossi's word washed over him. "Yeah, we did."

* * *

 **Later that day**

Reid moaned slightly as he came out of his doze at the sound of heels walking over to him. Garcia came above him before leaning down and kissing his forehead. Guilt ran through him as he took in the sad glaze to her eyes and the way her smile didn't shine properly.

"Hey, sweetie," she said as she sat on the edge of the couch. "How are you feeling?"

"Mentally or physically?" Reid asked before biting his lip.

"Both. We're all worried about you and we just want to do all we can to help you. I baked cookies and Morgan brought you a casserole."

"Morgan is here?" Reid frowned slightly before listening carefully. Rossi and Morgan's voices reached his ears and he let out a small sigh.

"Why don't you want Morgan here?" she asked before reaching for his hand and holding it. "You're cold. Do you want a blanket?"

"Please," Reid nodded as he tried to collect his thoughts about Morgan being so near. Morgan's voice brought memories of the shouting at the hospital to the front of his mind. The hateful looks of the team and the judgement lacing every word that came from them. Garcia brought the blanket over him and returned to holding his hand and warming it up.

"Morgan hates me, Garcia. You all do but I remember the hate and loathing in his voice the most. He doesn't understand and he never will. I just wanted the pain and the hate to end but I only created more."

"No, no, no," Garcia shook her head as she moved up the couch and cradled his cheek with her free hand. "We don't hate you. We love you and you know that."

"No, I don't," he snapped angrily before moving his face away from her hand. "You won't admit it but you hate me for what I did. Don't deny it because I know that you all couldn't love me for trying to leave the way I tried to.

Garcia gently cradled his cheek again. "We love you no matter what. Hate isn't what I feel. I feel sad because you thought you needed to leave that way. I feel sad because my baby boy couldn't come to me and let me help him through the pain. I could never hate you. I can only ever love you."

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	5. Chapter 5

**Hello everyone, long time since I updated and I would like to say that I decided to take a step back from writing for a little while to sort myself out and I'm trying to jump back into it now. Thank you so much for all being loyal readers and for being patient. I will try to get my stories updated in a quick manner and here is a start. I hope you all enjoy this chapter and let me know what you think.**

 **Warning - Some of this chapter may be triggering as it has talks of suicide and descriptions of it.**

 **Enjoy and please review**

 **All mistakes are my own**

Reid tensed as he heard Morgan walk into the room and kept his eyes focused on his hands. "I know you are going to yell at me so just get it over and done with," Reid spoke as he folded his hands on his lap under the blanket. "I know you hate me."

"I don't hate you, Reid," Morgan spoke calmly.

"Don't lie," Reid snapped as he turned to face Morgan. "You hate me. I heard it in your voice in the hospital."

"I don't hate you but I am angry with you," Morgan said as he walked closer to the couch. "I am angry at you for what you tried to do."

"I just wanted it to end," Reid gritted his jaw. "I thought it was the only thing I could do in that moment. The only thing I could do to stop the screams and the nightmares that haunt me every time I go to sleep."

"It wasn't though!" Morgan said angrily. "You know that it wasn't the only thing you could do. You know because you knew you had another option than sticking the Dilaudid in your system earlier in the night. You called me. Reid, you called me because you knew that your family would help you."

"You dumped me on someone else," Reid raised his voice as he brought himself into a sitting position, his eyes full of fury and distaste at the judgement that Morgan was raining down on him. "You called Rossi and went back to your girlfriend."

"I thought you were safe with Rossi. You seemed to be okay when he was taking you to his car."

"I needed my brother!" Reid screamed loudly. "Rossi talked through some things with me but it wasn't enough. Deep down, I wanted you to stay and help me. I needed my brother and he just passed me to someone else. You've always promised that you would help me. I called you because I needed help. There has been so much pain in my life and I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't take seeing Maeve dead in my dreams every night or hearing Tobias yelling at me to choose."

Reid bowed his head as tears traveled down his cheek. "I needed you."

Morgan couldn't speak for a few moments as he absorbed every word that Reid had just screamed at him. He made his way to the couch and knelt in front of Reid. "I will always help you, kid, but I can't help you if you are dead. I didn't realize how much you needed me that night. You are my brother but you broke my heart when I saw you lying in that hospital bed with IV's and blood transfusions being pumped in to you. It broke my heart seeing those bandages wrapped around your wrists."

"I just wanted it to stop," Reid cried as leaned his head against Morgan's shoulder. Morgan wrapped his strong arms around Reid and held him close.

"I know but there are other ways," Morgan spoke gently as he felt his anger at Reid wilt and his need to keep Reid safe grow exponentially. "Suicide is never the answer."

"I'm sorry," Reid sniffed as he stayed in Morgan's arms.

"I'm sorry too for not realizing how much you needed me."

Reid came out of the hug and wiped away his tears. "I know you can't stay because of the BAU but can you call me every day. Rossi is like a father to me but there are things you can tell a brother that you can't tell a father."

"I'll call every day and we can talk as long as you need to."

"Thanks," Reid nodded. "I know I'm being a little needy."

Morgan gave Reid a sad smile. "You are not being needy. You need support and your whole family is going to support you no matter what. "

* * *

Garcia listened from the kitchen doorway as her boy genius and her chocolate thunder began to repair their relationship. It had broken her heart too to see Reid so fragile that night in the hospital but she had vowed that night to bring him back to his old self.

* * *

Rossi woke up to a loud banging noise coming from Reid's room. He threw the covers away from his body and rushed down the hall. He opened the door to find Reid on the floor breathing hard. Kneeling next to him, Rossi held Reid's face in his hands and brushed his hair from his sweat covered face. "Kiddo, what's wrong?"

"I had a nightmare and I tried to get out of bed but everything blurred and I got dizzy and I couldn't breathe. I think I had a panic attack," Reid said as he began to take deep breaths. "I thought I was back in the warehouse with Maeve."

"Take deep breaths, in and out, and keep your mind focused on my voice," Rossi soothed as he pulled Reid up into a sitting position. "You are not back there. You're in your room and it was just a nightmare. You scared the hell out me, kid."

"Sorry," Reid said before taking a deep breath in through his nose and letting it out of his mouth. "I just couldn't focus and I fell."

"It's okay," Rossi assured him. "Do you think you'll be able to get back to sleep?"

"I think I'm just going to watch some television. I don't really want to sleep again tonight."

"Mind if I join you?" Rossi asked knowing that he wasn't getting anymore sleep after getting such a fright.

"I'd like that," Reid nodded. He didn't want to be alone after the nightmare and the bad thoughts that came along with it. He needed to be with family.

* * *

 **The next morning**

Reid enjoyed the tranquility of sitting by the lake and listened to the sounds around him. He could only hear the sounds of nature and it soothed him. He couldn't hear people yelling at each other or hear news reports of more murder and pain in the world like he did back in the city. He thought he could sit by the lake for the rest of his life and be happy but such a thought was only a fantasy and he knew it. He looked around and let out a deep sigh at the thought of returning to the city and his job. His normal life. He loved the BAU but found himself scared of trying to live a normal life again. He had tried to kill himself because he couldn't take the pain that came with his normal life. Being at the lake provided him with an escape because he felt like he could pretend to be a completely different person. A person who had never tried to end his life and hurt his family.

"Hey kid."

Reid looked up and was surprised to see Morgan walking towards him.

"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at the BAU?" Reid questioned as he straightened himself up in the chair.

Morgan walked over with a box in his hand and took a seat next to Reid. "Hotch gave me the day to come and spend with you. I told him how much you needed us, needed me, and he gave me today to spend with you. To help you. We're not being any cases that require us to go there personally till tomorrow. You might have a few more visitors today. I'm not sure."

"I'm glad you're here," Reid smiled gently.

"Me too," Morgan smiled back. "You looked deep in thought there."

"I was," Reid nodded. "I can think clearly out here. It's peaceful and I feel like nothing can hurt me here. What's with the box?"

Morgan gritted his jaw before looking up at Reid and letting out a deep breath. "Your bandages need to be changed. I offered to do it instead of Rossi. He's still having a hard time from seeing the cuts when he pulled you from the tub."

"I can change them by myself," Reid said quietly as he tugged his sleeves further down his arms. "No-one else needs to see."

"You can't change them by yourself," Morgan shook his head before looking into Reid's eyes. "It's okay. You made me promise to help you because you need your brother. I'm here now. Let me do this."

"Promise you won't get angry when you see them," Reid pleaded.

Morgan brought his chair round to face Reid, put down the box and proceeded to push the sleeves of Reid's jacket up. The white bandages around Reid's wrists and arms became visible. "I won't get angry, Reid. I promise."

Reid nodded his permission for Morgan to unwrap his bandages and steeled himself for the sight. He hadn't seen his wrists yet and let out a small shiver as he remembered breaking the plastic from the blade. Morgan brought up his right arm and unwrapped the bandage. Tears began to fill Reid's eyes as the last of the bandage fell away to reveal a deep stitched cut that traveled from the top of his wrist to middle of his arm. Flashes of the blood running down his arm caused him to let out a sob and breathe heavily.

Morgan immediately stopped and cradled Reid's face in his hands. "It's okay. I'm here and it's okay. I know it's hard to see but you have to see to get better. You have to see."

"They're never going to go away," Reid coughed as more tears fell down his cheeks. "People will see how weak I am."

"NO!" Morgan said sternly before softening his voice. "They will never see you that way and it doesn't matter if they did because you should never give a damn what they think. You are going to get through this and come out stronger. You will look at these scars and know that suicide is never an option again because these scars will scream that you have a family that will never leave you and will keep you looking ahead in life instead of looking back. They will scream that you survived a dark time and that no-one can ever make you feel the way you once did. I'm your brother and it breaks my heart to see these scars but I would rather see these scars then see your grave."

Reid leaned against Morgan and cried into his chest. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Shhhh, it's okay," Morgan soothed as he held Reid close and let his own tears fall. "Just let it out. It's okay."

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